For the past 100 or more years the field of psychiatry has been debating whether a child’s problems are genetic (nature) or the result of a problem in the environment surrounding the child (nurture).  We now know that a combination of nature and nurture can result in a child having emotional/behavioral difficulties.  Children who have a particular gene may manifest difficult behaviors in certain situations. 

The question now concerns how to treat a child with problems.  Some prefer to diagnose, label and medicate the child.  Although this approach can be helpful, it can lead to overmedication of the child, causing other problems.   Labels can result in some people treating the labeled child in a prejudiced manner.  These labels also have a negative impact on children’s developing sense of self, eroding their self esteem. I agree with the definition of "good therapy" on the website www.goodtherapy.org, which states that good therapy is "non-pathologizing”.   

Adults who have not had the opportunity to study child development may blame children for difficult behaviors or expect the child to know why they have certain behaviors. Children are often “acting out” the feeling they have but cannot express. While it is important for children to accept responsibility for their behaviors it is also important for them to learn how to understand and express their feelings. Helping children learn about the feelings and thoughts that result in their behaviors is a vital part child psychology.  Children can learn different ways to perceive and think about situations and how to change their behaviors.  It can be helpful to engage the help of a professional who has learned about the developmental stages children go through and what children are able to understand during the various developmental stages.

One of the most important aspects of the type of therapy I use is to help children learn to identify and cope with their feelings.  When children know their feelings are normal their behaviors improve. Children are born with many strengths including resiliency, creativity, curiosity, flexibility, fantasy, adaptability, optimism and motivation.  I help children find these strengths, and teach them positive ways to use them.

Children’s work is play.  Children use play to repeat an incident and try to work it through over and over again. Play and art therapy have been supported as being highly effective in many clinical studies.  Expressive approaches to therapy teach children how to use their ability to fantasize in a healthy and constructive manner.  Then they can create their own best solutions and coping skills for current and future problems.  The creative process is supported by research as an activity that increases the growth of brain cells. 

Loving/firmness is a phrase I use to describe a set of behaviors I have found to be the most effective for "good enough" parenting.  I enjoy coaching parents as they learn to use those skills in order to continue the progress their child makes during a therapy session.  Please read that page for more information.

Helping Children Cope with Feelings.

For more information on self esteem and relationships, please see Anne’s articles at ezinearticles.com.