Healthy relationships are vital for a healthy life. Family relationships are the most important. The family system is a small social system in which children learn relationship skills. We use the skills we learned in the family we grew up in to develop our adult relationships. How we relate to one another, as adults, has a deep effect on how we feel about ourselves. We carry these feelings with us into our relationships at work and other social settings.

An emotionally healthy relationship between parents is vital for emotionally healthy children. Attuned parenting requires that parents be secure, self-aware and able to relax well enough to let go of other concerns to be fully present as they help their children solve their problems. Parents with healthy self-esteem can develop a loving, attuned relationship with one another in which they can work through inevitable conflicts together. Proactive problem solving, healthy negotiation and improved communication are some of the skills parents use with one another and their children. Attunement and empathy are vital skills for the couple and their children.

Unfortunately, life can interfere and children do develop problems. One child with a problem will have an effect on the family system. Good therapy can help parents develop a style of parenting called “authoritative,” (Baumrind, 1991, p.62), which can help individual children and their families work their way through problems. In this style of parenting, parents develop a close, nurturing relationship with children, as they maintain structure, boundaries and order in the home. Children are given choices, responsibilities, and unconditional love. Parents use an attuned, loving, patient and firm approach.

Genuine, appropriate praise is vital for growing children. Knowledge about child development helps parents give this to their children. Researchers are reporting that to help children build healthy self-esteem, parents need to praise their children three times more often than they criticize or correct them. Shaming or blaming children erodes a child’s developing sense of who they are and lowers their self esteem.

Children intuitively know that they need adults to lead them. If parents do not assume this lead, children will often “act out” their feelings until they receive appropriate guidance. Learning what appropriate guidance is and how to use it, is part of family therapy.

Being a "good enough," (Winnicot, 1953), parent does not have to be difficult or time consuming; it can be fun and highly rewarding. Learning how to balance being loving and firm is a skill anyone can learn. Family therapy can help everyone.

For more information on self esteem and relationships, please see Anne’s articles at ezinearticles.com.